


Cupid's Acacia Arrows

by Daovihi



Series: People are dying and everything's on fire because of a sex toy [5]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Agender Character, Cake, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Matchmaking, Other, Sexual Situations, Trans Character, Walking In On Someone, agender!iorveth, its not explicit dont worry, trans!vr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 01:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daovihi/pseuds/Daovihi
Summary: Who knew getting shot in the ass by an old lady would lead to this? Follow Iorveth and Vernon Roche through snippets of their relationship as they explore their love for each other.





	Cupid's Acacia Arrows

It started off with sex.

To be more accurate, it started off with laughter and became official when they had sex.

Vernon Roche and Iorveth had been invited to the same party due to their mutual friendship with Geralt. They fought for what seemed like hours over who-knows-what. Their fight was about to turn violent when Vernon was shot in the ass with a suction-cupped arrow, and the same happened to Iorveth, but in the crotch.

They laughed so hard Iorveth's sides hurt, and Vernon fell over. In that moment, they completely forgot why they were fighting. They couldn't feel malice towards each other when the situation was just so damn funny.

"I-I can't believe she-! She just… BWA ha ha ha ha!" Iorveth fell into another laughing fit as Vernon pulled the arrow from his ass.

"What the fuck?! Ha ha ha!" Vernon pushed himself off his hands and knees with some difficulty due to his intense laughter.

"Why'd, ha ha, why'd she do that anyway?" Iorveth pulled his arrow from his crotch.

"I don't know! Maybe she…" Vernon trailed off. He realized that the arrows he and Iorveth were connected by red rope. "Wait, were we…?"

"I think we were." Iorveth nervously laughed. "What the fuck?" His tone became awkward and wavered slightly.

They stood there, not knowing what to do. The air was filled with an awkward silence.

"Want to go get some drinks with me?" Vernon asked to break the tension.

"I guess."

\------

"And then he ran out, in his underwear, in front of over thirty soldiers!"

"Ha ha ha! Poor guy! What did he do?" Iorveth leaned in a little too close to Vernon. Neither of them seemed to notice.

"Well, I was sure he was going to do something to embarass himself even more, but he just turned around and walked away." Vernon took a drink from his beer stein, which was starting to blur and split into two.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"That's a bit underdramatic." Iorveth commented. Now that he's had a few drinks in, he felt completely relaxed. He even felt confident enough to slide over to Vernon's side of the table.

"What can you expect? He probably didn't want to- hic- didn't want to embarass himself more." Vernon started hiccuping like mad.

"You're cute when you hiccup!" Iorveth booped Vernon's nose.

"Shut- hic- shut up, I'm not- hic- cute." Vernon crossed his arms, turned away, and pouted in a truly adorable manner.

"C'mon, look at me. Lookit me. I wanna see your face." Iorveth grabbed Vernon's face and forced him to look at Iorveth. "Aww you're adorable. Look at your little pout! And your eyes! They're so pretty! How did I not see before?"

"Really? You- hic- think so?"

"Yeah! You're so cute!" Iorveth hugged Vernon before he could protest.

"No- hic- I meant- hic- my eyes! Hic!" Vernon pushed at Iorveth in vain.

"What? Oh, yeah, you have- hic- beautiful eyes, too." Iorveth was nuzzling into Vernon's neck when he got hit with the hiccups.

"Ha ha! You have- hic- the hiccups- hic- too!"

"What can I say? I caught them- hic- I caught them from you." Iorveth pulled away to look into Vernon's eyes again. His heart skipped a beat as he realized he was sitting on Vernon's lap and cuddling with him.

As Vernon stared into Iorveth's lovely green eye, he was struck by an idea. It was a stupid idea, but he didn't care anymore. He was too drunk to give a single fuck. "Hey, you know what cures the hiccups? Hic!"

"I dunno, hic, what?"

"A makeout session!" Vernon pulled Iorveth into a long, drunken kiss, both of them hiccuping several times throughout. Both of them moaned in between hiccups, the kiss driving them wild with desire.

"Wow." Iorveth said when they broke apart their lips. Vernon's tongue in his mouth felt so damn good that he wanted more, not just more kisses, he wanted nore of Vernon. "But that didn't- hic- didn't cure my hiccups."

"Awww… guess we'll just have to- hic- make out again…" Vernon leaned in for another kiss, but Iorveth held him in place.

"I've got a better- hic- idea. Let's try a different- hic- approach."

"I was hoping- hic- we could kiss more…"

"Don't worry, don't- hic- worry, I know of a cure we could do while we- hic- while we kiss." Iorveth's voice dropped to a husky growl.

"What?" Vernon was a bit confused. He didn't know what he could do while kissing.

"We could give each other orgasms! We'd- hic- we'd kiss as you finger me to completion!"

"Say no more." Vernon pulled Iorveth down into another kiss, fueled with even more passion than the last time. He fumbled with their clothes for a luttle bit before Iorveth grabbed his hands and pulled himself away.

"Not here, you stupid- hic- you stupid dhoine!" Iorveth got up and stumbled to a short distance away, gesturing for Vernon to follow. Vernon jogged with some difficulty to Iorveth and trailed behind him as he walked on. They tripped over each other in their drunken rush to find some privacy. Iorveth spotted a large pillar in the shadows, away from the immediate hustle and bustle of the party. It would have to do.

Iorveth pushed Vernon to the back of the pillar and roughly kissed him, lust overpowering them both.

\--------

"Hey, wake up!"

"Five more minutes…" Iorveth groaned. He clearly had a hangover, and he didn't want to get out of bed. Speaking of which, his bed felt weird and lumpy for some reason, but at least it was warm. Iorveth turned his head into his pillow, which smelled of smoke, alcohol, and clean cotton.

Wait.

Iorveth lifted his head. Sure enough, his "pillow" was a person. Specifically, a human. More specifically, Vernon Roche.

Iorveth yelped and pushed himself away. He saw that they were both half-naked. Iorveth thanked the gods he was still wearing his dress, but he did not want to think about the implications of the whole situation.

"Okay, maybe this is just a really bad dream. If I lay down and close my eyes, maybe I can wake up." Iorveth did just that on the cobblestones. Unfortunately for him, it clearly wasn't a dream. After all, when an entire barrel of ice-cold water is splashed onto you, you tend to figure out very quickly that you're not dreaming.

"Aaagh! What is this, boot camp?!" Vernon yelled as he rubbed his face. He looked around, failing to see Iorveth. "Wait a minute, where am I?!"

"You're at Corvo Bianco, owned by Geralt of Rivia. And some other guy with a super long name too now, I guess. We call him Regis." The young human informed.

"Okay, okay, uh… Wait a minute. What's Iorveth doing here?" Vernon seemed to truly wake up when he saw Iorveth.

"You had sex with them. I saw you." The younger human answered.

"WHAT?! Is that why my clothes are- Where are my pants, girl?!" Vernon yelled at the girl.

"I dunno, but I found something white on the roof of that building over there. Maybe it's yours. Also, an old lady named Marlene told me to tell you two that you aren't getting your underwear back. Either of you." The girl crossed her arms and leaned to the side.

"Oh for fuck's sake…" Iorveth grumbled.

"Oh, sweet Melitele, why did it have to be like this?" Vernon put his head in his hands.

"By the way…" The human took on a small grin. "You two are loud. Very loud. In fact, I bet you two would qualify as screamers."

"Oh, FUCK!" Iorveth fliched when his own voice aggravated his hangover.

"Never. Speak. Of this. Both of you." Vernon got up and pointed at Iorveth and the girl to emphasize his point.

"Wasn't planning to." Iorveth didn't have it in him to be sarcastic.

"Don't worry, I won't." The unknown human replied. She backed away from them slowly, then turned around and walked at a normal pace. Once she was out of sight, she broke into a run.

"Hey, Lena! BB! Guess what?"

\----------

Around a month later, two enemies met in the forest.

"Why did you summon me here?" Vernon held up a cryptographed letter to Iorveth's face.

"What? Can't I have a good old duel to the death?" Iorveth smirked.

"If you wanted to kill me, you would have just walked up to my base and demanded that I come out, like you always do. Why go through the trouble of coding a letter? Clearly, you wanted me to be interested enough to actually come out here, so what do you want?" Vernon crossed his arms and took on an intimidating expression.

"Come with me." Iorveth turned his back to Vernon and walked a few paces. When he didn't follow, Iorveth turned around. "You coming?"

Vernon grumbled under his breath and caught up to Iorveth. They walked together side-by-side, almost touching hands, but not quite. They came across a short, quiant table with no chairs, two metal domes, and a lit candle. A melodic sound played from an unknown source.

"Music?" Vernon was angry earlier, but now he's just confused.

"One of my people are playing. They're too far away to see or hear anything." Iorveth stood by the table. "Pick a side, Roche." It took Vernon a second to realize Iorveth meant the table. Vernon sat crosslegged at the side closest to him, while Iorveth kneeled and sat on his feet at the opposite side.

Iorveth lifted the domes to reveal a small meal of bread, soup, and salad. He took a bottle of wine and some wine glasses from under the table and put them on the table. Iorveth popped the cork and filled the glasses.

"Bon appetit." Iorveth raised his glass. Vernon clinked it with his and they both took a sip.

"So, let me ask again, because it's not clear: why did you bring me here?"

"Can't I just have dinner with you?" Iorveth took another mouthful of wine.

"Iorveth, there's clearly more to it than that." Vernon paused until Iorveth's mouth was filled with wine. "Is this a date?"

Iorveth choked on his drink. So Vernon had hit the mark.

"Listen, Roche, I have a really bad habit of falling for people after sex, and then when I go on a date with them afterwards, I fall out of love. So for both our sakes, let's not talk about that anymore." With that, Iorveth started shoving food into his mouth.

"So this is a date? If I had known ahead of time, I would have worn my formal uniform."

"Roche, stop."

"Alright, alright." Vernon tore off a piece of bread and chewed it. "So… you're in love with me."

"We are not talking about that." Iorveth stabbed a piece of lettuce with his fork.

"Even if, say, I'm interested?"

That got Iorveth's attention. Hope lit up in his eyes before he extinguished it himself. "We can't be together. We're enemies, remember?"

"We can make it work."

"How?"

"As long as we stay quiet about our affair and we don't see each other frequently enough to arouse suspicion, we should be alright."

Iorveth put down his glass and looked Vernon in the eye. "I am on this date so I can fall out of love with you. It's best for both of us if you don't try to pursue a romantic relationship with me."

"Oh…" Vernon slumped. "Iorveth, I have a bit of a confession to make."

"What?"

"I've had feelings for you for a long time. I would appreciate it if you reciprocated them."

This date was going completely wrong. Instead of dissipating Iorveth's feelings for Roche, it reinforced them. That last statement only made them grow more and more. Iorveth blushed and drank more wine to hide it.

"Iorveth?"

"Yes?"

"Will you… reciprocate?"

Iorveth sighed, and mentally prepared himself to reject Vernon.

"Sure. Let's be datemates."

Iorveth mentally screamed at himself. That was NOT what he was going to say! Why the fuck did he let his mouth do whatever it wanted?!

But Vernon smiled, and that calmed Iorveth's raging thoughts.

\--------

"Well."

"Well."

"We seem to have been caught in the rain." Vernon panted.

"Of all the fricking days Mother Nature decides to unleash a frigging hurricane, she chose today!" Iorveth was not happy that he had to cut one of his dates short, and it showed.

"Not to mention we're stuck in a cave, now." Vernon and Iorveth had dashed into the closest shelter once it had started pouring. Said shelter happened to be a dank, wet cave, but at least they weren't getting rained on.

"Ugh!" Iorveth plopped down on the cave floor, crossed his arms, and pouted. Vernon joined him, but with less moodiness in his body language. He wrapped an arm around Iorveth, massaging his shoulder with his thumb. "Thanks."

"I managed to save my present for you. It might be wet and melted by now, but…" Vernon pulled a box from his pouch and offered it to Iorveth.

Iorveth took the box and untied the ribbon around it. He opened the box and saw that it held mostly melted chocolates inside. Iorveth smiled, making Vernon's heart skip a beat. It wasn't every day Iorveth smiled.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." Iorveth took off his glove and dug out a chocolate with his finger. He put the chocolate in his mouth and ate it, then he stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Is it good?"

"Yes." Iorveth dug out some more melted chocolate with his finger and held it to Vernon. "Want to try some?"

Vernon rolled his eyes, but he ate the chocolate off of Iorveth's finger anyway. Indeed, it was pretty good. Vernon finished licking the chocolate off and let go of Iorveth's finger. Iorveth looked Vernon dead in the eye and put his finger in his own mouth.

"You taste good, Roche."

"Let me guess: you want to have sex again?"

"Maybe. Maybe I just want to lick all this chocolate off of your chest."

"Come here."

Iorveth leaned forward and let Vernon pull him closer. They kissed, the taste of chocolate mingling on their tongues.

\----------

Vernon moaned as Iorveth nibbled his neck. He dug his nails into Iorveth's bare back, and wrapped a leg around his waist. Iorveth held Vernon's head in place and gave him a long, deep kiss. Iorveth broke the kiss and pulled off Vernon's binder, leaving him in his boxers. Vernon moaned again when Iorveth kissed a trail from his collarbone to his belly button. Just when Iorveth's face was to Vernon's boxers, about to take it off with his teeth, the door opened without warning.

"Sir, the soldiers need to- MELITELE'S TITS, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Ves screamed and covered her eyes with a report she needed to deliver. "WHY, VERNON, WHYYYY?????"

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DID YOU JUST BARGE IN WITHOUT KNOCKING?!" Vernon yelled.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe it's because YOU USUALLY AREN'T BANGING YOUR SWORN ENEMY WHEN I WALK IN!!!"

A few soldiers passing by stopped to see what all the commotion was all about. There were mixed reactions to what they saw.

"All of you, move along! Nothing to see here!" Vernon dismissed the soldiers. The soldiers grumbled and left, except for Ves.

"I need to ask: why Iorveth? I get that you were matched at the Valentines party  
last year, but why are you having sex with him?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't recognize me…" Iorveth grumbled and stood up. He and Vernon put on their respective clothing.

"Ves, you can uncover your eyes. We're decent now." Vernon directed. Ves lowered the file slowly, expecting them to still be naked. When she saw that they weren't, Ves put the file on a table.

"...How long?" Ves closed the door behind her.

"…Ten months." Vernon muttered.

"Is the thing between you two strictly sexual, or…?"

"Romantic, too." Iorveth cleared up.

"Ah." Ves nodded. There was an awkward silence between the group. "Iorveth, if you ever hurt Vernon, I will kill you in your sleep."

"I figured you would do that."

Ves reopened the door and walked out the room, shutting the door in order to give the lovers some privacy.

"Oh, fuck. Multiple people saw us." Vernon leaned against the wall and covered his face.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Vernon hugged Iorveth. "I don't know."

\-------

"Well, well, well. Two years we've been dating, and I've never known you have such a sweet tooth." Vernon admired the huge, half-eaten cake.

"Shut up, Vernon." Iorveth groaned as he rubbed his tummy.

"Why did you even try to eat a whole cake, let alone one as big as this?"

"I'm an adult, and I do what I want."

"Yes, I can clearly see that you are a fully grown, mature adult." Vernon smirked as he ate some icing off a plate with his finger. "Mm, that's good."

"You can have some, if you want. I saved the acacia pieces for you."

"Oh, thank you." Vernon grabbed a plate and helped himself to a big slice of cake, full of sugar acacias. He sat down next to Iorveth. "How's your gut?"

"Eh, could be better." Iorveth started rubbing his tummy with both hands. Vernon put his cake in his lap and rubbed Iorveth's tummy with one hand. "Thanks, sweetheart."

"How do you feel?"

"A little better, now that you're here. But you know what would really make me feel better?" Vernon's full attention was directed to Iorveth. Iorveth sat up straight and eyed the cake in the corner of his eye. "There is a tradition, a coming of age of sorts, that I never got to participate in. It's quite enjoyable, so I think you would like it."

"What is it?" Vernon asked. Iorveth loved that he had no clue what Iorveth was planning.

Iorveth grabbed a fistful of cake and slammed it into Vernon's face quicker than he could react. "A food fight."

"Oh, it's on!" Vernon retaliated by smearing icing on Iorveth's face.

They went back and forth, not stopping until they ran out of cake. Even then, they didn't give up. They smeared cake and icing all over each other. By the time they got tired, to say that they both looked ridiculous would be an understatement.

"Well, we look like cakes now, too." Iorveth commented.

"At least you're more cake-y than me."

"Hey!" Iorveth playfully pushed Vernon. Vernon caught him and pulled him into a kiss. It was weird and gross, the cake and icing smearing even more on their faces, but they didn't care. They loved each other and wanted to show it.

"Now I'm as cake-y as you." Vernon smirked. He plucked a sugar acaia that survived their tussle. "Acacia?"

Iorveth rolled his eyes, but he opened his mouth to receive the acacia. Vernon fed it to him, the sugar coating Iorveth's tongue as he bit down. Iorveth finished eating the acacia and said, "No better way to destroy someone's hard work than to eat it. Have you had a chance to eat one?"

"Not really. You slammed a cake into me before I could take three bites."

Iorveth picked up the last surviving sugar acacia and held it to Vernon's mouth. He eagerly bit down on it, making a crunching sound. Vernon took multiple bites to finish it off, but Iorveth enjoyed seeing Vernon so eager.

"Someone's hungry." Iorveth remarked. Vernon glared at him, but he didn't say anything.

\-------

"Where the fuck are you, Vernon?!" Iorveth stormed through the Blue Stripes camp. Ever since he and Vernon had gone public about their relationship, he was allowed to enter camp (only on certain days and times, thanks to Ves being overly-catious). The soldiers didn't like it, but they weren't about to disobey orders. "You've blown off our weekly meetups three times in a row! Where are you?!"

"Iorveth." Ves called out to him. She gestured for him to come to her.

"Where the absolute living fuck is Vernon?! I swear to the gods if he doesn't have a very good excuse for blowing me off, I will stab him!"

"He's in this tent." Ves pointed to a nearby tent, the medical tent. "But you might want to-" Iorveth sprinted off towards the tent. "Aaaand he's gone."

"Vernon!" Iorveth ripped open the flap. His anger dissipated once he saw the nurse tending to Vernon.

"Hello, Iorveth. Commander Roche was stabbed in the gut approximately three weeks ago, and he has an infection. As a result, he's feverish and delirious." The nurse finished tending to Vernon. "I'll give you two some privacy." He left the lovers to their own devices.

"Vernon?" Iorveth walked up to Vernon's bed and touched his shoulder.

"Ior? Babe? That you?" Vernon slurred.

"Yes. It's me." Vernon started crying and pulled Iorveth into a hug.

"I-I thought I'd never ever ever see you again!" Vernon bawled.

"There there. It's okay. I'm here." Iorveth whispered into Vernon's neck. Iorveth tightened the hug. He kissed Vernon on the nose, making Vernon laugh uncontrollably.

"I bet you thought I was dead!" Vernon giggled. Iorveth said nothing, he just kept kissing Vernon.

Some time passed while Vernon cuddled with his lover. It was while he was holding hands and snuggling up to Iorveth's side that he realized something very important, something that had slipped both their minds up to this moment: they had never told each other that they love them.

"Hey, Iorveth." Vernon tapped Iorveth's shoulder.

"What is it?"

"I love you." Vernon giggled.

"I love you too." Iorveth smiled so widely his cheeks hurt. No matter how many times Iorveth smiles, it always makes Vernon's heart skip a beat.

They muttered "I love you"s to each other as they cuddled and kissed for hours. Eventually, it came time for Iorveth to leave. It was almost 8:30 pm, so essentially the camp was closing for him. Besides, he needed to get back home. His friends were probably worried sick about him.

"Vernon, I need to go. I can't stay here any longer." Iorveth gave Vernon a long kiss. "Goodnight." Iorveth got off the cot and turned around when Vernon grabbed his wrist surprisingly tight.

"We'll see each other again, right? I still need to spend the rest of my life telling you how much I love you." Vernon looked deep into Iorveth's beautiful eye as he confessed what he needed to him.

"What kind of shitty romance novel did you get that from?" Iorveth turned around and gave Vernon a quick peck on the lips. "Of course we'll see each other again. What makes you think we won't?"

"It's just…" Vernon searched for the right words. "Stab."

Iorveth chuckled. "Neither of us are going to die anytime soon, don't worry." Iorveth kissed Vernon one last time. "Goodnight, love."

"Wait."

"What?" Iorveth sighed.

"You're not Scoia'Tael anymore, right?"

"Of course I'm not. When Queen Saskia came into power, she pretty much accomplished everything the Scoia'Tael were fighting for in the first place. I resigned soon after that. After all, there's no point in fighting to gain something that's already been achieved."

"Ah, thanks. Good night." Vernon laid back and almost immediately fell asleep. Iorveth tucked him in, moved his hair out of his face, and left without a sound.

\---------

Iorveth visited Vernon every day. He stayed for as long as Ves would allow him before leaving. With each visit, Vernon's health improved in leaps and bounds. After five days, the doctors deemed him fit to leave their care.

"Iorveth!" Vernon waved to Iorveth.

"Vernon! Good to see you! Are you feeling better?" Iorveth ran up to Vernon and hugged him.

"Thanks to you, I am." Vernon pulled Iorveth into a passionate, yet chaste kiss. "So, I was thinking… for our wedding, we should have a lot of wildflowers. I know you really like wildflowers."

"Wedding? W-what? Are you saying…"

"…Shit, that proposal was part of a fever dream, wasn't it?"

"What proposal?"

"Shit. Hold on a second." Vernon searched his pockets for something very important. When he couldn't find it, he took off for the medical tent, cursing up a storm along the way.

Vernon didn't bother going to the front of the tent to enter it. He lifted the "wall" of the tent and let himself in.

"Where did you put my stuff?!" Vernon interrogated the closest doctor.

"Follow me." The doctor led Vernon to the basket Vernon's stuff was kept in. 

Vernon wasted no time in ripping the lid off and grabbing the black box that laid forgotten inside. Vernon ran as fast as he could back to Iorveth, who was waiting for him where he left him. Vernon bent over, out of breath. He must be getting old.

"Ior." Vernon panted. "We've… been together for… five years. I… love you… so much."

"Vernon, catch your breath. It can wait." Iorveth laid a hand on Vernon's back and abdomen in case he fell over.

"I can't." Vernon stood up straight in an attempt to look better in front of Iorveth. "I love you… I want to be with you… for the rest of my life." Vernon got down on one knee and presented the black box to Iorveth. He opened it, revealing a steel ring with a sapphire and a ruby inlaid. "Will you marry me?"

Iorveth was still for several seconds. He burst into a wide smile when he properly processed the situation. "Yes! YES! YES I'LL MARRY YOU!" Iorveth could barely keep himself from shaking with excitement as Vernon slipped the ring onto his finger with a kiss. "I can't believe this! Oh, I can't believe this!" Iorveth started babbling in all his excitement.

Vernon got up and kissed Iorveth with the need of a drowning man gulping in air. Iorveth kissed back so hard they both fell over. They laughed hard, just as they had laughed at the Valentines Day party.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by one of promptlywritingideas prompts (I think). The prompt was one of a series of hitman prompts. It was "We'll see each other again, right? I still need to spend the rest of my life telling you how much I love you."
> 
> I wonder what Acacias mean in flower language.


End file.
